Posted in Discipline vs. Control, Parenting, Reflections, Uncategorized

Could We Have Possibly Done Something Right????—Part 4

Hello, folks, and welcome to May! One post at a time, I am getting these out to you. Thank you for your patience! For those who are new here (or feeling the need to catch up), here are links to predecessor posts: one, two and three.

So let’s pick up where we left up last time: doing what I have to do without worrying about what someone else might think of my parenting skills.

Remember: It’s paramount that a kid knows a parent means business.

A parent who means business doesn’t necessarily have to force the issue*, nor does that parent have to be mean or angry to show s/he is serious about what s/he is expecting from a child.

A great mantra to keep in the back of your brain:

Say what you mean. Mean what you say, but don’t say it mean. 

Also: Unless the discipline a parent chooses is abusive (mentally, emotionally and/or physically), a parent should just toss what others think out the nearest window.

Case in point: When Older Son was in preschool, he tended to dawdle when it came time to get dressed. Being the perfect parent I was, I remember doing my fair share of yelling one morning. I needed to get Younger Son to nursery school, Older Son to school and me to work. (Luckily, I worked in the same building where Older Son attended preschool.)

The next day, I kept him home. He wasn’t feeling well.

Day after that, he was well enough to return to school. He so took his time getting ready. I decided I would not shout or make a scene.

Time came to leave the house. Older Son was pretty much taken aback when I handed him his shoes. I very calmly told him we had to go. When he said something about not being dressed, I told him we had no time. He’d used his time playing rather than getting ready. (Not sure how he got his shoes over his footie PJs, but he did. And I’m lucky. He was never much of a tantrum-throwing child. Now that Younger Son kid…let’s not go there.)

So we dropped off Younger Son, which meant Older Son had to walk into the nursery school in his PJs. When he mentioned something about PJs and school, I reiterated that he hadn’t gotten dressed when he had the time.

Once we got to his preschool, I took him to the nurse’s office. Told my boy the nurse needed to see him since he’d been sick the day prior. (Fine, I fibbed. There was a much greater cause at stake.)

In the nurse’s office, I handed Dawdle Boy a set of clothing I’d bagged on the sly. I told him any future episodes would not come with a back-up outfit. He’d be in PJs for the day.

I kid you not, friends. From that day forward, I have never, ever had a problem with that boy not being dressed for school.

A few years later, I told this story to a parent whose four-year-old was giving grief on a regular basis. On many occasions, the parent complained that Little Cutie, who stood thigh-high, wouldn’t get dressed; at school we saw that manifested in how late that child arrived every day. (Mind you, other circumstances might have impacted the child’s behavior. Our conversations, however, showed me that parent wasn’t willing to stand up to Little Cutie’s behavior.) That parent’s jaw dropped, horror-struck, when I revealed I brought Older Son to school in PJs.

That parent was most likely worried about what someone else would think if Little Cutie came to school in PJs.

Did I abuse my son in any way? Not at all. He was warm and covered appropriately for the season. I didn’t yell or force him to do anything.

I did, however, show him I meant business.

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*Quick note: Bullying takes on many forms. We who are trying to ‘teach our children to do the right thing’ by ‘making’ them do what we say might have to watch going over a fine line. (Trust me, I’ve gone over it too—many times. Younger kids—and those older ones who just love pushing buttons will tip you over that line themselves.)

Do you recall a a particular moment when you took a parenting stand, especially one that involved potential judgment by other parents and/or adults? Please feel free to share your story here in the comments. Feeling bold? Tell it on Facebook or on the social media platform of choice. If you’re shy, we have email for that. And if the content speaks to you, please feel free to share via any/all of the links below!

Next time: Dealing with MY feelings when doling out the discipline.

Many thanks and wishes for a wonderful day,

Joanne

©Joanne C Timpano, OTR/L, content and images, unless otherwise specified, 2019.

Posted in Discipline vs. Control, Parenting, Reflections, Uncategorized

Getting Back to that Parenting Stuff…

Welcome back! T’is the season when I’m going to be more patchy than at others—depends on how much paperwork there is to do for the day job. Just for today, I’m as caught up as I need to be, so I want to get back here and post!!!

So… I started this around December and got sidetracked with Christmas, keto, reports due. As per Sir Elton John’s lyrics from Circle of Life, there will always be, “more to do than can ever be done.” (I got teary-eyed the first time I heard it. What do you mean, I can’t do everything I’ll ever need or want to do?????)

Anyway, dear parents, guardians and caregivers of children, please allow me to get back on track.

First and foremost:

Many, many thanks for spending your very precious time here! I am humbled, grateful, and indebted. As with my previous series of thoughts on children, I hope you find inspiration via my journey through motherhood, and perhaps some tips to help you feel empowered while you navigate yours.

Just a few reminders for those moments you wonder which alien creature took over your body and signed you up to bring people into the world and help them find their way into the realm of adulthood.  At the end of the day, that’s why we’re here, yes? (Yes???)

Anyway:

This parenting gig is W.O.R.K.

Hard work.

Long days of seemingly doing the same thing over and over, with little or no acknowledgment, let along thanks.

Efforts that often seem unrewarded, or worse yet, fruitless.

Please note: Given the correct circumstances—mind you I didn’t say “perfect”—those efforts add up, much like Aesop’s famed crow dropping one pebble at a time into that pitcher with an inch of water or so at the bottom, in order to reward himself with a drink.

So…

I am starting a follow-up to my Discipline vs. Control series. Ironically enough, several weeks ago (specifically, on the day after Christmas), I left the sink full of dishes and the kitchen to clean after I relaxed a little with Hubby after dinner. It was after 9 and Younger Son (who recently turned 20) had come in from the mall a little earlier. After his shower, he tends to grab food I leave on the stove and head downstairs, where he usually hangs out playing video games.

From the living room, I heard the kitchen faucet running. After it ran for a steady 10 minutes, I realized my “little one” was cleaning up my mess—unasked. (Whaaaat?? This from the same kid who hadn’t managed to wipe down one bathroom sink after two weeks of his ma asking him to do so. I had the perfect teachable moment planned when he started looking for socks fresh from the laundry. I was going to give him first-hand instruction on how to Google use of the washer or refer him to a YouTube video of the same. I’m holding off for now. 😉 )

And this evening’s episode, which catapulted me back five years, segues me perfectly into the next series of posts directly related to parenting. Please stay tuned. Episodes such as mine can be a reality in your parenting life too! 🙂

Go forward. Be empowered. And always remember, you can start your day or even your journey over anytime you choose to do so.

Your turn: has one (or more) of your children done something so awesomely unexpected that made your jaw drop? Please tell in the comments or share on Facebook!

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Have a wonderful day,

Joanne

©Joanne C Timpano, all rights reserved, content and images (unless otherwise       specified),  2019.

Posted in Discipline vs. Control, holidays, Parenting, Reflections, Uncategorized

Because It’s the Holiday Season…

and few–if any–of us are lacking in the area of ‘busy’, I figured I’d rerun a few of my early posts from this sight. Since my 6+-foot “little one” is asking for ANOTHER fancy-pants set of sneakers for Christmas, this particular pair of posts seemed apropos to re-air.

Good luck getting it all done in time, before the other “big guy” makes his yearly “drive-by.” You know: he’s usually dressed in red and in a toy-laden sleigh being pulled by eight (or nine) reindeer…

What’s My Motivation? (Part One) and What’s My Motivation? (Part Two)

As always, feedback, comments, thoughts and sharing of the content on your social media platform(s) of choice are greatly appreciated!

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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Franklyn, the front-door greeter!

Have a great day and thank you for your time!

Joanne

©Joanne C Timpano, 2018, content and images (unless otherwise specified).